Parental Alienation: The Buzzwords That Sell, But at What Cost?

Although the term Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) was coined in the mid-1980s by Dr. Richard Gardner, the phenomenon itself had existed long before, lurking unnamed in the background of high-conflict custody disputes. For decades, the concept remained relatively obscure, often dismissed as pseudo-psychology or overshadowed by more visible legal and therapeutic frameworks. But in recent years, fueled by the internet and the rise of peer-to-peer information exchange, parental alienation has exploded into mainstream awareness. Mothers and fathers around the world, many of whom have felt powerless, erased, or vilified during custody battles, are now realizing they may have been victims of this dynamic. They are organizing online, sharing resources, building communities, and catching up on what’s really been happening behind the legal curtain of family court.

Even just a decade ago, parental alienation was something many attorneys approached with suspicion or avoidance. Some lawyers saw the mere mention of PAS by a potential client as a red flag, an indication that the person might be high-conflict, over-informed, or unrealistic in their expectations. Attorneys quietly avoided the term, fearing it would drag them into unpredictable terrain: heated allegations, psychological claims, and judicial skepticism. Clients who came in armed with knowledge about alienation often expected more transparency, more intensity, more personal investment, and that made them harder to “manage.” In those days, many judges and attorneys simply didn’t want to touch the concept. It was easier to focus on surface-level parenting disputes than to unpack the psychological warfare sometimes at play behind the scenes.

But times have changed, and so has the marketplace. Today, parental alienation is not only more widely acknowledged, it has become part of the standard vernacular in family law consultations. Entire ecosystems have grown around it: therapists, counselors, evaluators, and expert witnesses who now specialize in identifying and testifying about alienating behaviors. Legal arguments invoking alienation are increasingly successful in shifting custody arrangements, and the courts, albeit slowly and unevenly, are beginning to give the issue more weight. At first glance, this is progress. More recognition should mean more accountability and less psychological damage to children caught between warring parents.

However, there's another side to this coin, one that's harder to talk about, because it implicates the very people families go to for help. As the concept of parental alienation gains legitimacy, it has also become a marketing tool. In consultations, the mere mention of the term can signal empathy, relevance, and insight. It’s a buzzword now,a verbal hook that tells desperate parents, “I understand what you’re going through,” even if the lawyer has no intention of building a case around it. For a client devastated by limited access to their child or unjust accusations from a co-parent, hearing the words “parental alienation” from a professional can feel like someone finally turned on the lights in a dark room. But that moment of validation is also a sales opportunity, and not every attorney uses it in good faith.

Many lawyers get about an hour during a consultation to present their best version of themselves, what is, in effect, a high-stakes audition. And they’re good at it. If they can command a courtroom, they can certainly craft a convincing narrative in a conference room. There's nothing inherently wrong with selling your services; that’s part of business. But too often, clients walk away from those meetings believing they’ve hired a gladiator, only to discover later they’ve secured a paper-pusher who avoids confrontation, defers to the court at every turn, and treats alienation claims as a throwaway sidebar. It’s the legal equivalent of ordering the big juicy burger pictured on a menu and receiving something soggy, half-sized, and nothing like what was promised.

In this sense, "parental alienation" can be compared to the old cabin air filter trick used by some shady auto repair shops. A mechanic holds up a dirty filter and claims, “This came from your car. It needs to be changed.” Most people, trusting the professional, agree to the upsell without question. Similarly, when a lawyer tosses out the term “parental alienation” in a first meeting, it can create a false sense of confidence: “This person gets it. They know what to do.” But not all attorneys back that buzzword with action. Some use it to establish rapport, reel in a retainer, and then proceed with generic, boilerplate litigation that does nothing to challenge judicial bias or expose manipulation in court.

The solution isn’t to distrust every lawyer who uses the term. The solution is research, and lots of it. If you believe you’re dealing with parental alienation, interview multiple attorneys. Ask them targeted, factual questions: What is their experience litigating alienation claims? What has worked in their prior cases? How do they work with psychological experts? Do they challenge professionals who downplay or dismiss the issue? Are they willing to confront biased GALs or custody evaluators in court? Pay close attention to how they respond, not just what they say. Are they curious about the details of your case, or just mirroring your emotions? Are they breaking down the strategy, or feeding you comforting lines to close the deal?

Because that’s the hard truth: while you are desperately looking for someone to protect your family, they are assessing your case as a financial transaction, estimating how much it will cost, how long it will take, and what level of emotional labor they’re willing to commit. And some are far more interested in the emotional leverage they can use to win your trust than in actually advocating for your child’s best interest in court.

Parental alienation is real. It’s devastating. It ruins relationships and destabilizes children for life. But it also sells, and in the hands of the wrong professionals, it can become just another buzzword, a gateway to empty promises, minimal effort, and maximum billing. Families navigating alienation don’t just need awareness. They need real advocacy, honest consultation, and attorneys willing to challenge a system that too often ignores the invisible abuse of psychological manipulation. That kind of help exists, but it requires discernment, persistence, and the courage to walk away from anyone who makes big promises without a plan to back them up.

If you're being alienated, you're already in a war. The question is whether the lawyer standing next to you knows how to fight, or just how to sell you a sword.